From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Willy Moon - Railroad Track

[Press 'Play' for a cool ass song played in the background during a barracks' scene, i think]

Ramblings: Groundhog War

Final Proof: 4 Shots

You know how you get drunk in a video game? You want to be a player so you get turned on and then you play around but when you start buzzing you lose control and then you die but it’s a video game so you get a free guy and go for another round. After you boot, you reboot and when being level gets hard you take another shot until you get it right. At the end, you have a kick ass time, even if things get a little repetitive before you meet the boss. End of Tomorrow was a lot like playing watching your best friend play that cool fucking video game.

People are going to compare End of Tomorrow to the classic comedy Groundhog Day, but people are wrong a lot of the time and this is one of them. i wouldn’t be surprised if Hiroshi Sakurazaka (the guy who wrote the book this is based on, All You Need Is Kill) didn’t even see that movie. What i do know is that fucker played a lot of video games. i say that because all gamers know how when you die you stomp your foot, jerk your head and make a quick spit sound with your teeth before you go back and try the level again, without making the same mistake.

Basically, End of Tomorrow is this video game and Tom Cruise is the player and the guy in the game at the same time. Whenever he dies, he goes back to the beginning of the level and tries again until he reaches the boss at the end of the film. The idea is pretty simple and not all that original, if you ask me (and even if you don’t), but then there’s not a whole lot of originality in movies now days anyway. Look at the last six blockbusters i reviewed: Maleficent, X-Men: Days of Future Past, Godzilla, The Amazing Spider-man 2, Captain America Winter Soldier, and 300: Rise of an Empire. Not one original bone in their bodies of work.

Given that this is as original as a Chanel bag you buy outside a subway, what about the rest? Well, the good news is the rest rocks. Tom Cruise, who i like as an actor and don’t know as a guy so i can’t judge, does a solid job as the hero who has to keep reliving the same war over and over again. Emily Blunt buffed up for the film and what’s not to like about her? She’s a decent actress and in real life bumps uglies with John Krazinski (“Jim” in The Office) who’s so goofy he has to be cool.

Let’s face it, though, nobody gives a shit about the actors. The main attraction here are the special effects and the action and End of Tomorrow delivers both. The film’s premise of remaking D-Day alien style requires bitching monsters and lots of fighting them, so we get to see a lot of action there. Fortunately, for the most part, the action is different enough each re-set that we don’t get too bored. For the most part.

What we end up with is an entertaining movie that doesn’t slow down, with tons of action and special effects done well enough you don’t notice them. So, yeah, you should give End of Tomorrow some play time.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: ½ shot

Cage (Tom Cruise) and Rita (Emily Blunt) kiss at the for absolutely no reason and i’m glad they do because it made the movie suckier and easier to review. Seriously, the movie was supposed to end 5 minutes before they unplugged it. That they kept it going long enough to force a happy ending down my throat made me gag a little, and not in a good way.

Other than that, there was the beautiful Emily Blunt and they let her be sexy in that one scene where she’s doing a floating pushup and then arches her back as she lowers herself down and that’ll make a good GIF when Edge of Tomorrow comes out on video. For now, we’ll have to make do with this because, other than this shot, Emily goes through the movie in more armor than a medieval knight wearing Mormon underwear.

Don’t worry, there are gobs more shots of her in my drawers, way at the bottom of this post.

Coming in as this hardcore, transvestite, butch, Michelle Rodriguez lookalike with metal teeth and funky hair is the beautiful, if unrecognizable, Charlotte Riley.

Charlotte Riley Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

There are a couple more shots of her in my drawers as well. Just keep scrolling down ’til you get lucky.

Drink: 0

No alcohol references at all. Think “AA meeting in a Muslim desert on Sunday”.

Rock & Roll: 4 Shots

Like a fatty orgy, Edge of Tomorrow had tons of action. What’s even more surprising is that it was, in large part (see me still working that heavy sex metaphor?), original for the most part. Sure, the movements were somewhat repetitive but they were able to throw in a little surprise twist with each insertion that made the experience pretty damn pleasurable.

As for the rock and roll, yeah, well, like those overweight bastiches in their sweaty pile, there was much more roll than rock.

Proof.

Boring Technical Crap

Written by:

• Hiroshi Sakurazaka - Novel “All You Need Is Kill”
• Christopher McQuarrie, Jez Butterworth & John-Henry Butterworth – Screenplay

Directed by: Doug Liman

Starring

• Emily Blunt – Rita
• Charlotte Riley – Nance
• Tom Cruise – Cage

Bottom Line

Worth seeing, and then seeing again.

Another Round

WTF!? review of a way worse Battle Los Angeles

The Hot Rod’s review of Snow Piercer

Booze Revooze of RoboCop (2014)

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

What happens below this is pretty much NSFW, so change to your phone and take a bathroom break.

Emily Blunt

Emily Blunt pressing boobs with Amy Adams in the Bar None

Charlotte Riley

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

Yeah, i got to see this on October 1, a full 9 days before y’all in the States. And because i know you don’t believe me – and who can blame you – here’s the obligatory ticket shot.

Ramblings: Bad Blood

Final Proof: 2½ Shots

You know how you get drunk in Eastern Europe? You think it’s going to be all exotic and that the cocktails will all be different and everyone you meet will be fascinating and that you’ll come away from the trip with stories that will have people buying you drinks wherever you go. Except beer is beer even in foreign places and the people there drink just like your asshole friends back home and the bars smell the same only dirtier and the bartenders rip you off with short drinks that are watered down before the waitresses overcharge you so the only stories you come away with are the same ones you already have, only less interesting. That’s what Dracula Untold is like.

Dracula Untold has been told so many times before i struggled to stay awake.

It’s been told many times over and better to boot. Like the directing was better in Bram Stoker’s Dracula, the script was better in The Hunger, and the action was better in From Dusk Till Dawn. There was a lot of money dropped on Dracula Untold, and like a tart who gets tarted up for a night out, the film looked the part. Unfortunately, just like that same tart at the end of the evening, Dracula doesn’t deliver anything more than a token kiss with only a little tongue.

The dialog sucked hard like a vampire, too. Every fucking line was super melodramatic and then the actors read them like they were their final words and it was so bad that you wished they were.

Not that i’m the kind of asshole who’s just going to rag on a film without hitting the good points. For example, the look of the film was great. The production costs must’ve been high and it was all on the screen with the rich images and epic landscapes that made me want to watch Lord of the Rings again. Plus, Dracula Untold had some good actors like Dominic Cooper, who did a better job here with a Turkish accent than he did in Need for Speed with his normal accent.

Which reminds me, if you’re Turkish and reading this – wow, you must be really fucking lost. Also you probably don’t want to see Dracula Untold because they trash ancient Turkey more than i’m trashing this film.

You know who might like this movie? Kids. If you’re a kid and reading this then you’re even more lost than those Turkish dudes, but Dracula Untold is a good vampire movie for those of you whose only experience with vampires was Twilight. For the rest of us, though, this’ll leave you thirsty for something harder.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 2 Shots

A disappointment but i can’t say i was surprised. Or i could say it, but everyone would know i was lying because if you look at the cast on the IMDb page, 14 of the first 15 actors listed are men. In other words, be ready to get a long look at the unfairer sex for a long fucking time.

That one woman mentioned is the lovely Sarah Gadon, who showed as much skin as a Muslim woman in a body veil under a pile of quilts in Antarctica. This kind of bummed me out because Sarah’s not afraid to go full frontal, as she so bravely showed in Enemy [follow the link and get the exact times she bared more than her soul - thanks to Saint Pauly]. i blame it on American prudery and this is how i choose to fight that onslaught:

Sarah Gadon Bar None Wallpaper (Click on the shot for a wallpaper)

There’s more single shots of her at the bottom of this post, in my drawers.

Silken Butterflies

One beautiful young lady flitted across the screen so fleetingly that her absence stirred a melancholy inside me. Whatever Dracula Untold‘s, at least Dilan Gwyn as the Governess made me feel something deeply.

Dilan Gwyn Bar None Wallpaper (Click on the shot for a wallpaper)

There’s some single shots of her rolling around in my drawers at the end of this post as well.

Drink: 0 Shots

Vampires suck and then they swallow, like much of this film, but they don’t drink booze. There was only one scene where alcohol flowed in copious quantities and that was an Easter feast. A Feaster, i guess you could say and if you don’t, i will.

Rock & Roll: 3 Shots

The action was definitely the best part of the movie, and to be fair, the film does move along quickly. As quick as a bat, if i may be so bold – and i may. Like my sex life, however, there was a lot of action but nothing new or exciting. They were just going through the motions and when it was over you felt satisfied but not in the mood for anything more.

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: Matt Sazama, Burk Sharpless

Directed by: Gary Shore

Starring

Sarah Gadon – Mirena
Dilan Gwyn – Governess
Luke Evans – Vlad
Dominic Cooper – Mehmed

Bottom Line

i’d wait and download this later. It isn’t worth the 10 bones to see it in the theater and you can watch the Francis Ford Coppola version in the meantime. You’ll thank me later.

This gift brought to us by Saint Pauly

Another Round

WTF!? takes a hilarious look at this vampire offering

Booze Revooze of a way cooler vampire movie

Fernby Films awesome review of Blade

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

The words are over, the rest is for y’all who only like looking at the pretty pictures.

Sarah Gadon

Dilan Gwyn

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Fever Ray – If I Had a Heart

[Press 'Play' for part of a killer soundtrack: Fever Ray - If I Had A Heart]

To prove to y’all i got to see this on the 1st of October, here’s a couple cell phone shots i took.

Ramblings: No Ifs, Ands or Butts

Final Proof: 3 Shots

You know how you get drunk with a spoiled girl? It’s not her fault her parents gave her everything she wanted but there she sits, over dressed, drinking champagne and eating lobster hors d’oeuvres, never looking directly at you or trying to get you to like her. She’d look better in jeans than that fancy ass dress and she’d be easier to like of she was ordering beer and she’d be more fun if she was a little hungrier and a little more desperate. One of the little known life lessons spoiled girls have yet to learn is that there’s a certain sexy in desperate. Which is not what Horns was like.

The weird thing is, i know i liked this fucking movie because i remember how i felt watching it, but ever since i left the theater i keep thinking about all the shit that got up my nose. Maybe i’ll make like i ate salmonella tacos to get all the shit out of my system so i can find the gold nuggets lurking inside.

Here’s what got my goat about Horns. This movie had so much money thrown at it that it lost its focus and wasn’t in a hurry to get to the ending. This was because the movie is based on a book and if i ever stop reading WTF!? i might read that book because i’m sure it was cool, but a movie isn’t a book — that’s why they have different words for them. What happens when you try to stick too close to the book is you end up with a lot of WTF because the reason why characters do shit isn’t explained like in a novel. A smart director would dumb it down and put everything up on the screen.

Then there were the flashbacks… This film had more childhood flashbacks than a Stephen King book, for chrissakes. i kept trying hard to care, i swear i did, but like a hook handed masturbator, i just couldn’t get there.

The other thing that prodded me to dislike Horns was Daniel Radcliffe. He’s a great little actor (he did a nice job of an American accent here) and he’s going to make some lucky guy a lovely wife one day, but to see him as a romantic lead was a stretch. Especially because the film is based on the depth of the love between Ig (short for ‘Ignatius’ and obviously symbolic of some shit, but i can’t be bothered to figure out what that might be) and Merrin Williams, where Juno Temple plays Merrin and Daniel Radcliffe plays a man. Like prostitutes next to hospitals, i wasn’t buying into that, which has more to do with how he looked than his acting because he can act like a man just as well as the next guy.

There’s a lot to like here, though, i swear. i’m a fan of Alexandre Aja who made Piranha 3D look good and who killed it in the remake of The Hills Have Eyes. Sure, you could argue he’s getting worse as time goes on, but that’s you. As for me, i’m sure he’ll turn things around and get the passion for filming back that he once had. Regardless, he knows what he’s doing and so he’s like this French seducer who’s expert at making you feel good while he’s screwing you, as long as you don’t care his heart isn’t in it.

Should you see it? Hell yes, especially if you’re going to see more than one movie this month.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 2½

You know what this movie needed more of? Nudity. Of course i say that about every movie but this one had some really hot girls and some gratuitous flesh would have helped me gloss over some of Horns‘ flaws.

Here’s a quick rundown of my notes…

• “Are you horny?” Merrin asks Ig in the first line of dialog in the film
• Housewife banging her golf pro doggy style and they’re both clothed
• Young Ig looks through a Playboy
• Juno Temple bare ass and side boob
• [Flashes of] Nurse naked doing doctor on a squeaky chair beside the surgical bed
• Guy [Eric Pollins as Exhibitionist barfly] wants to show everyone his dick in a bar and goes full frontal [think of you, Saint Pauly]
• [Speaking of Saint Pauly] Gay cops get off in the front seat of the cruiser

There were some lovely shots of Juno Temple, but then every shot of her is lovely. For those of you looking to see how much i appreciate her, check out the 0-5 Shot reviews of Maleficent, Kaboom and Mr Nobody.

There was also the gorgeous Kelli Garner, as Glenna Shepherd, the waitress who fucks to be loved. Remember how up there i talked about how a little desperation is sexy in a girl? If Horns looked and felt like Glenna looked and behaved, it would’ve had a lot more heart.

Kelli Garner Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

There’ll be some single shots of her in my drawers, all the way at the bottom. Just keep scrolling down till you see her smiling cleavage.

Also making an appearance was the amazing Heather Graham who is still as stunning as the time she showed us her boobs in Boogie Nights and a good slang name for that flick would be Boobie Nights because that’s how much of a revelation her chest was. Speaking of revealing chests…

Heather Graham Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

i got some single shots of her in my drawers as well. Just scroll the way down.

Silken Butterflies

One of the actresses who was onscreen far too briefly to contain all of her talent was the exquisite Kendra Anderson, who played Nurse Delilah, like in “[Flashes of] Nurse naked doing doctor on a squeaky chair beside the surgical bed” from the Sex section up above. Here’s a toast to seeing a lot more of her in the future.

Drink: 3 Shots

There was a surprising amount here, to tell you the truth and that’s all i know how to do. Most every scene had a drink in it and like i mention in the next section, an argument could be made to the claim that the way people react to Ig’s horns is super similar to how people act when they’re drunk. You know me – and if you don’t i’m the one to blame – i don’t like to argue so i’ll shut up about it, but there’s some similarity.

Here’s the drinking shit shot by shot:

Anyone recognize that bottle?

• Ig wakes up upside down, passed out next to an empty bottle of…? Whiskey?
• Bar in the morning. Whiskey shots, beer chasers for the old men. Ig drinks beer from the bottle in a tree house.
• Ig wonders if he got blackout drunk and killed Merrin.
• Whiskey shots at the jazz club. Daniel’s brother [Joe Anderson as Terry Perrish] drinks whiskey from the bottle out of a bag
• [Ig, Merrin and Lee Tourneau (Max Minghella) are] Drinking beer and holding up album covers over their faces in a flashback
• Brother [Terry] doing coke and drinking whiskey from a scotch glass

Rock & Roll: 2 Shots

Aja let me down here. Look at the poster, for example, you’d think a guy with horns would use them for cool things and i’m not even talking about fetish shit (although that would’ve been a welcome addition). But no. The only things the horns do is make people say and do what they really think deep down. Like a bottle of Jäger without the rush.

Still, there were some good tunes, though, so i’ll put up two shots for that. Like there was Marilyn Manson’s version of “Personal Jesus” while journalists got into a brawl.

Plus the action at the end got good, especially with all the snake attacks.

Anyway whatever, here’s a lot of the soundtrack:

Boring Technical Crap

Written by:

Joe Hill (novel)
Keith Bunin (screenplay)

Directed by: Alexandre Aja

Starring

Juno Temple – Merrin Williams
Heather Graham – Veronica
Kelli Garner – Glenna Shepherd
Kendra Anderson – Nurse Delilah
Daniel Radcliffe – Ig Perrish

Bottom Line

The film is Gwyneth Paltrow: it looks good, even if it gets a little lost and pretentious.

A gift from Saint Pauly

Another one

Another Round

Booze Revooze of another horny character

WTF!? of the film “Horns” wanted to be

Fernby Films reviews another monster movie

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

The review is finished, let the revue begin. From here on out, let’s call it NSFW.

Heather Graham

Kelli Garner

Kelli Garner in the Bar None

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

Drunk Bachelorette party in the Bar None – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Keep on reading to learn how i stumbled over her dirty little secret while doing a bit of research for a short brief.

Here’s a ditty from the juiced-box, dedicated to Kim Kardashian and her little ones. Kanye West – Drunk and Hot Girls

Kim Kardashian had a midget’s baby

i’m pretty sure.

So, i started doing research on this Spanish chica who decided to have a bambino nine months after she got married, only to find out the kid was dwarf (which i don’t know how you can tell because all babies midgets, right?). After a lot of poking and prodding, she confessed the truth to her husband: she screwed a midget at her Bachelorette Fiesta. So basically, before she had her little one, she had a little one.

Kim Kardashian having a little shot?

During the minutes of extensive research i did in Google image search, i came across (in the “discovered” way, not “the midget at a Bachelorette party” way) some photos of Kim Kardashian. With a midget. At her Bachelorette party.

Love at first sight – Kim knew he had a little something

Their eyes meet for the first – and only – time

They seal the deal

i’m thinking the whole ‘Spanish’ midget baby is just a ruse to distract us from the truth: Kim Kardashian, and not some Spanish puta, is the one who actually got impregnated by a little person at her bachelorette party.

Consider these facts:

• Kim just had a baby…like the Spanish woman
• She has black hair like Spanish women
• Spain has a King and her husband, Kanye West, could refer to himself as the King of Rap
• Her ass is as big as Spain
• She called her baby ‘North West’ and Spain is the opposite direction of North West from the United States because she’s trying to throw other journalists off the scent…but Kim Kardashian’s scent is too strong for me to ignore
• Look at these pictures of the tyke – does he not look like a Spanish midget?

Kanye learns of Kim’s tiny indiscretion – Kim looks ashamed – North looks South of the Border with his poncho

And look, i unearthed this snippet from the bachelorette party videos…

What brought on Kim’s sudden attraction to little people? My answer is that it’s not so sudden. She gave signals that she wanted little folk to be into her as early as 2009 when she wore this obvious sign.

1 down – 6 to go

The only question remaining is, could you, like Kanye, forgive your new bride for fucking a stripper at her Bachelorette party?

Seriously, please leave a comment and let me know what you would do if your new bride admitted to getting drunk and having sex with a midget at her Bachelorette party.

Bar None Dregs

If you think this shit is funny, you should check out Saint Pauly, my protogay over at WTF!? (Watch the Film).

Hilarious WTF!? review of Transformers: Age of Extinction

WTF!? explains The Zero Theorem

As for me, go here for a complete list of all my websites on one page so you don’t miss out on any of my shit.

All About Al K Hall

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Harry Styles’ Exes in the Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Photo for a Wallpaper

There’s only one direction to go from here and that’s further down. Read on to see exactly what Harry styles. (Hint: it’s puke.)

Here’s a ditty NOT from my juiced-box, dedicated to Harry and his Exes: One Direction – Up All Night

[Click on the link to find out why Harry was Up All Night. Hint: He was puking.]

Hairy Styles Cannot Hold His Liquor

The proof is, he keeps throwing it up all over the place.

There’s this English kid called Hairy Styles which sounds more like a fashion statement than a name but that’s how they roll in jolly olde England. If you’ve never heard of this guy don’t worry, i haven’t either. My ignorance isn’t all that surprising, though, when you realize i know everything there is to know about good music.

The reason i’m babbling on about this kid is because this photo was splattered all over the front page of the Internet a while back. Seems Hairy had to pull over and stomach sneeze.

At first i thought he’d been innocently listening to the radio when all of a sudden one of his own songs came on and, before he could change the station, he heard enough of it to make him hurl. Turns out there was a contributing factor. In addition to getting sick on his own tunes, he also had a hangover from drinking the night before with Lily Allen at the Nice Guy Bar in LA.

Harry Styles after the Bar None

My assumption that his music was to blame is understandable, though, when you realize the effect One Direction’s “songs” (and i use the term as loosely as a whore’s vagina after giving birth at a donkey show) have on humanity at large. For example, check out these poor, impressionable young things that accidentally heard One Direction…

The music is killing us from the inside!!!!!

“Oh my god, mom! They raped my ears with their limp penis pop!”

“I’m ruined for life! I can’t un-hear it! I CAN’T UNHEAR IT!”

“You have a One Direction Ringtone!? Make It Staaahhhppp!!!!”

“The noises you make are making me vomit!!!”

“My ears! My ears! Clean them with bleach!!!”

“How much pain can one girl bear!? I just got my period and now this!”

Which is not to say all girls hate the band, but One Direction fans are a special breed.

And collectively, these fan girls have formed the Nutsy party with the intention of eliminating all traces of good music from the planet with an ordered and systematic final solution. They’ve even given an old salute a modern twist to hail their leader.

But if you’re a One Direction fan and would like to date one of the members of this boys bandwagon, look at the following photographs of Hairy Styles’ exes and ask yourself: 1) Am I that hot? 2) Do I drink that much? If the answer to either is “No”, then send me an email with a naked picture of yourself (or at least topless) and then we’ll see which direction we go.

Cara Delevingne

Cara Delevingne in the Bar None

Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift in the Bar None

Kendall Jenner

Kendall Jenner in the Bar None

Kimberly Stewart

Kimberly Stewart in the Bar None

Caggie Dunlop

Caggie Dunlop in the Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a Wallpaper

Emily Atack

Emily Atack in the Bar None

Emily Ostilly

Emma Ostilly outside the Bar None

Felicity Skinner

Felicity Skinner in the Bar None

Kara Rose Marshall

Kara Rose Marshall in the Bar None

Caroline Flack

Caroline Flack in the Bar None

Bar None Dregs

Let me take a moment now to raise a glass of Pepsi Max and and drink a dry toast to Saint Pauly over at WTF!? (Watch the Film). A few years ago he started his little blog where he imitated my writing style (the sick bastard), and after a few emails, i encouraged him to be his gay self and press on. Well, last week was the first week that WTF!? (Watch the Film) surpassed this blog in total readers, so i want to congratulate him on well deserved success. And to take some credit for it. And to tell him now he has to start promoting the shit out of this blog, for a change.

His latest review is…

WTF!? review of Behaving Badly

As for me, go here for a complete list of all my websites on one page so you don’t miss out on any of my shit.

All About Al K Hall

Bar None Drawers

Prints to share with your friends and Facebook page

What lies beyond is even more NSFW than the shit you just saw.

Cara Delevingne

Taylor Swift

Kendall Jenner

Kimberly Stewart

Emily Atack

Caggie Dunlop

Emma Ostilly

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Karlie Kloss Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

Most definitely not from the juiced-box, here’s a song i’m dedicating to Karlie Kloss from Taylor Swift…who’s performing at a Victoria’s Secret show.

Taylor Swift – I Knew You Were Trouble

Celebrity Dregs

October 30: Taylor Swift and the NBA (No Boys Allowed)

LUSH. If you don’t know what this stands for, you’ll fall for anything. LUSH is the Bar None acronym for Lesbian Until Sober Honey and i’m not saying Taylor Swift is a LUSH, i’m saying i hope she is or at least that she’ll take pictures of her trying to be.

Kind of like Cara Delevingne did with Michele Rodriguez. In fact, there are more similarities than you might realize.

Like Cara and a Taylor were both photographed drinking alcohol. In the company of another woman. At a basketball game. The only difference is that Taylor was drinking with a beautiful woman, and Cara was with Michelle Rodriguez. Still, since Cara and Michelle broke up, maybe Taylor can score with Cara on the rebound. There’s a match-up that would start me dribbling.

Taylor’s date was Karlie “Lip” Kloss, a hot lingerie model and my investigative journalism skills once again paid off once again because i figured out how they hooked up. And Cara Delevignge is the missing link. Check it out.

[Proof of my famous investigative journalism skillz: Justin Bieber kills a man, Kim Kardashian has a dwarf baby]

Cara is a model alcoholic and she had a few drinks with Lip Kloss which got Kloss all wet and shiny. But then Cara found Michelle, which left Karlie high and not dry at all but still wet and shiny. So Karlie went out and found herself her own, next-better thing: Tay-Tay. Ta-da!

There’s more shots of Taylor Swift & Karlie Kloss in my drawers at the bottom of this post. Just keep scrolling down ’til you start getting warmer.

October 31 2014: Chelsea Out-of-Handler

You know me (and if you don’t, i wouldn’t be the first), i don’t give a shit about politics and shit like that. i’m just happy sitting here making you happy, but something other than me came across my desk the other day and i feel compelled to share it with you.

Chelsea Handler in the Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

American comic Chelsea Handler posted a picture of herself naked on top of a horse because Putin did. Except Chelsea didn’t do to to prove her boobs were as big as the Great Outhouse, but to protest the fact he can show his nipples and she can’t.

Chelsea Handler v Putin: Who’d you rather?

Now i like causes as much as the next guy, if the next guy is passed out in a pool of his own vomit at a I-don’t-care-about-causes bar. But if there’s one cause i’m willing to stand up for, it’s Free the Nipple. Now, don’t be confused like me and think the cause is to give free nipples to every one, because that would so rock hard, but it’s almost as good because they want chicks, sorry, girls to be able to show their nipples all over the place like men, except so much fucking hotter.

To prove i’m way cooler than Instagram, who censored her photo, i’m going to post the full original shot because i’m all about the political aspect of this and defending rights and equality and feminism and shit. Here at the Bar None, we’re Instagraphic:

BTW, to keep the protest going, here’s another shot Chelsea posted on Instagram. Hell, i’m just happy to be here and help out. Fight the Power.

Bar None Dregs

If you think this website is funny, you’re right. But also pretty funny is this guy over at WTF!? (Watch the Film).

Click on the logo for the laughs

As for me, go here for a complete list of all my websites on one page so you don’t miss out on any of my shit. All About Al K Hall

What follows is just sexy shots of the girls. Read on at your own risk because it’s even not safe for worker than the shit you just read.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Karlie Kloss

Karlie Kloss in the Bar None

Taylor Swift

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Leo Reisman (Cole Porter) – You Do Something To Me

[Press 'Play' for the traditional Woody Allen jazz shit]

Ramblings: Cheap tricks

Final Proof: 3 shots

You know how you get drunk with a magician? For the first couple drinks you’re pretty amazed by his illusions and you find yourself wanting to believe there is something special going on, something beyond the everyday, something extra-ordinary. But it doesn’t take long for you to see through the tricks, and the magic, like the buzz, isn’t real at all – it’s artificial, it’s an illusion and once you see through it, you leave disappointed and feeling you could’ve made more magic yourself. That’s the not so special effect of Magic in the Moonlight.

Pinocchio as a cross dresser

Top hats off to Woody Allen for making a film a year, which makes him one of the most prolific filmmakers of his generation but then most of his generation is dead. The problem is, if a guy faps once an hour, the consistency of his… creative juices lessens and gets a little sloppy over time. If a magician never stops doing tricks, the tricks start to look the same after awhile. There’s only so many ways you can saw a woman in half. Legally.

i’m a big fan of Woodies. i’m also kind of a fan of Woody Allen. i especially like when he does magical realism. Alice, The Purple Rose of Cairo, even Midnight in Paris really work for me. i find most of his other movies, though, are like rum drinks in a mall bar: bland, ordinary, and weak. Magic in the Moonlight had the chance to make the right choice, but in the end decided it was too lazy. No one likes it when it’s too lazy in the end, ask Neil Patrick Harris.

“God’s penis is actually rather small”

i say that, but this movie wasn’t a total waste. The story line was like my porn, interesting and satisfying and the ending caught me by surprise. Probably the best thing overall about Magic in the Moonlight was Emma Stone. You probably remember that i still hate Emma because of a rumor years ago before she was super famous that she was a supreme bitch to a couple of young teen girls who approached her for an autograph. While i can’t forgive that, i have to admit that she’s fun to watch on screen. She’s cute and she has a sparkly charm that helps pass the time so that, even if the movie isn’t all that engaging, at least she is.

“And then I’ll show you how I got the nickname ‘Woody’.”

If you like Woody Allen, you’ll probably like this one, and if you don’t like him, sorry i didn’t bash him more.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: ½ Shot

Before i get balls balls deep into the sex, i want you to grasp something big about this movie. This movie is a romantic comedy between a man who is 54 years old and a girl who is 26. Not judging, but it’s obviously a Woody Allen movie and maybe even a little based on his life except, in the movie, the girl isn’t her lover’s daughter.

To be fair to the movie, i didn’t notice this age thing until some girl pointed it out to me afterwards. Which probably says less about me than you already know.

Whatever, Emma Stone was 24-25 when she made this movie and it’s not my fault that she looks like this.

Emma Stone Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

There’s more single shots of her in my drawers, down there. Just keep scrolling down until you hit the dirt.

As for the sexy in Magic in the Moonlight, here are my sex notes, blow by blow:

• Emma Stone is super cute in her hat
• Emma Stone closeups are breathtaking
• Emma Stone dancing [is like watching new angels learn to fly]
• Stanley [Colin Firth] and Sophie [Emma Stone] kiss at the happy ending

Silken Butterflies

Just one this time, and not a beginner either. The very lovely Catherine McCormack was both in 28 Days Later and Braveheart, though she wasn’t in this movie nearly long enough (as Olivia, Stanley / Colin Firth‘s girlfriend).

Drink: 2 Shots

Most of Woody’s movies have tons of booze in them, though they don’t usually play an important role, so that’s why i’m throwing up 2 shots here. Interesting that they have alcohol in almost every scene and i, as an alcoholic in recovery, wasn’t even tempted once. Maybe i’m past the cravings or maybe Woody doesn’t know how to film booze.

• Scotch in bar where one magician asks another to investigate a medium
• Drinks at house before meeting Sophie [Emma Stone]
• Stanley asks for wine visiting his Aunt Vanessa’s [Eileen Atkins] house after lunch
• Dancing champagne in hand at the ball
• Lots of champagne glasses as props to the sunrise after the ball [WTF!?]
• “Perhaps I can scare up a whiskey.”
• “We should break out champagne!” Celebrate Aunt Vanessa’s health
• Wine at Aunt Vanessa’s when [Stanley] realizes he loves Sophie
• Drinks at a bar forgiving his friend [Simon McBurney as Howard Burkan]
• Vanessa: You need a drink. What will you have? Stanley: A scotch. (After breakup)

Rock & Roll: 0 shots

Woody Allen is a jazz freak and just a freak but knows nothing about rock, either for action or music.

For those of you who kept a couple of shits to give, here’s the soundtrack recreated on Spotify. (i had to substitute versions of some of the songs for what was available.)

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: Woody Allen

Directed by: Woody Allen

Starring

Emma Stone – Sophie
Catherine McCormack – Olivia
Eileen Atkins – Aunt Vanessa
Ute Lemper – Cabaret Singer
Colin Firth – Stanley
Simon McBurney – Howard Burkan

Bottom Line

If it’s between this and something else, choose something else. If there’s nothing else on, you could do worse than this.

Another Round

Booze Revooze of another Allen film

WTF!? review of an Emma Stone film

Fernby Film review of another kind of comedy

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

So the words are finished and so is all the PG-13. What follows are Emma Stone pics that are mildly NSFW

Emma Stone

Emma Stone in the Bar None

Emma Stone in the Bar None

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

How many times have people come up to me and said, “Al K Hall, my kids just aren’t taking to vodka as quickly as I did at their age. What can I do to get them on the bottle sooner?”

Ok, no one has ever come up to me and asked me that question, but if they did, here’s what i’d answer…

But before we get into that, i have a little song for you from the juiced-box, to get you in the mood. Korpiklaani – Vodka

Bar None Kiddie Vodka Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

10 Vodkas Your Toddlers Will Eat Up

1. Peanut Butter & Jelly vodka

No crusts in here

2. Cookie Dough vodka

For when real raw cookie dough doesn’t make you sick enough

3. Chocolate Covered Pretzel vodka

Everyone’s go-to junk food, am i right?

4. S’mores vodka

Good for getting drunk on right next to a roaring bonfire

5. Cotton Candy vodka

Will stick to the toilet bowl, not your fingers

6. Bubble Gum vodka

Now no one can burst your bubble

7. Red Liquorice vodka

Liquor-ice

8. Fluffed Marshmallow vodka

A new way to get toasted

9. Buttered Popcorn vodka

Quieter for the movies

And if you want extra butter

Autumn Butter vodka

666: The number of the eats

10. Root Beer Float vodka

Because you need something to drink to wash all of these down…

Sink or Swim

Click Here For More Top 10 Lips

Amanda Likes to get down in the Bar None

The dregs are back, bigger and bitter than ever. Like i got a drunk cheerleader picking up and going down on her kids’ friend, i got Koreans afraid the Irish will outdrink them, English people raising all kinds of hell in Thanksgiving-land, Amanda Bynes working for for me, shitfaced toddlers, laws you only have to obey when you want to, prosecuted prosecuting attorneys and so much fucking more you better start reading now before you run out of time to finish all the shit rising to the bottom. Even better, i have a present for y’all. That’s right, i got you guys a “Get out of jail drunk” card of your very own. Because that’s the kind of tender bartending mother fucker i am.

Not from the juiced-box, but dedicated to the Irish from the Koreans: SM Ballad – 내일은 (Another Day)

[Press play for a song that was banned in South Korea for promoting alcoholism with hardcore lines like “Drunk on alcohol so that I don’t miss you” and “If you fall asleep drunk, you dream“]

Commoner Dregs

November 6, 2014 The Drunk of the Irish

An Irish woman applied for a teaching job in Korea, probably because she wanted to stay drunk all the time and she knew that Koreans party like it’s nobody’s business except hers if she got the job. What makes it my business is that they told her she can’t teach there because she’s Irish which means for sure she’s probably an alcoholic. Here’s what he South Korean teaching agency had to say…

I am sorry to inform you that my client does not hire Irish people due to the alcoholism nature of your kind.

To be fair, i can’t help but agree with them. i mean, South Koreans drink more than any fuckers in the world. 4 times more than the whUSsies and 5 times more than the pussy Irish.

So first the Koreans should know if someone drinks too much and second, the Irish chick wants to move to Korea so obviously she wants to drink 5 times more than she does now, right? i mean, why would anyone want to move to fucking South Korea? Has to be to stay shit faced all the time.

But you know me (and if you don’t you don’t know shit), i’m going to leave it up to y’all, the patronizers of the Bar None. Look at these two wallpapers and vote on which country is the most fucked up.

Drunk Irish Girls wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

Drunk Korean Girls wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

My theory is South Koreans got the wrong impression about the Irish from watching too much Archer.

November 9, 2014 Arizona: My country, right or right

Speaking of places for alcoholics to live, y’all alcoholics should move to Arizona. They just voted on a proposition which says they don’t have to obey any government law they don’t want to. The good news for us is that it means we can do the same. Just go to Arizona and do any old fuck thing you want and if they give you shit about it, just say, “I don’t feel like recognizing your law as Constitutional.”.

Which is exactly what i aim to do for this one poor teacher.

That’ll teach her lesson

Kathleen was arrested (with a BAC of .205) because she was swearing at students while drinking white wine and screwdrivers before, in and after class. Sounds like she’s teaching some life lessons to me and besides, i’ve memorized the Constitution and nowhere does it say Thou Shalt Not Teach Drunk. All Kathleen has to do is say she doesn’t feel like obeying their “Drunk and Disorderly” law because it’s not Constitutional, and she can go home and resuscitate that bender.

November 8, 2014: Persecuting Attorney

While we’re talking about lawlessness, a New York City prosecutor handled a tough case of beer and was out of order at the bar where his actions drew contempt from all of those judging his poor demeanor. Manhattan prosecutor Eli Cherkasky grabbed this lady’s bags (like real bags, not a euphemism) and when she got pissed, he grabbed both her arms and was all,

Bitch! You’re a bitch! Hit me! Why don’t you hit me?

to which i hope she answered, “Because I don’t abuse animals, even pigs.”

Eli Cherkasky Mug Shot

Then 5 minutes later, he called her a “Cunt”, pushed her to the ground and started choking her ass (not literally).

Eli may have passed the bar exam but he failed this bar exam. I don’t think he’ll be prosecuting himself, though, because he doesn’t even feel guilty.

November 11, 2014: Ain’t no party like a birthday party

Six tots under the age of 8 descended on a Joe’s Crab Shack in Colorado Springs, CO and ordered a round of drinks. They were served Kiddy Cocktails, hold the Kiddy [and if you do, they'll never let you within 500 yards of a grade school again]. Unfortunately, the waitress came back shortly after and carded them told them their drinks had alcohol, so she took the beverages away, but not before one little 2-year-old had polished off her entire “Shark Nibble”.

That’s a good price for cooked kids

The good news for those of you under the age of 21: now you know where to go and what to order if you want to get Baby’s First Hangover.

July 14, 2013 (what!) A Big Turkey

Just in time for Thanksgiving, here’s your Turkey, where locals think the English are turkeys.

You Turkeys!

What happened was is that the English tourists in Turkey drank until dawn which is when the Muslims go to pray because the early bird catches the best rug. So the holier than thems complained because there were drunk English people all over the place, just like every country that has English people in it.

Bloody Hell

What the Turks don’t understand is that the Brits were partaking in their own rough sects. Boozing is sacred to the English, who drink religiously until they fall to their knees and call out to God at the white altar.

Celebrity Dregs

November 7, 2014 Amanda Bynes is a tender bartender

Dear Ms Amanda Bynes,

i’m writing you with a job proposition and this one doesn’t involve a head or a hand like the last time. i know you’re looking for a job as a bartender and we have an open position for you here at the Bar None, and this time by ‘position’, i don’t mean Missionary, Peace sign, Butterfly, The Stopperage, The Yawning Position, The Octopus, The Viennese Oyster, The Leapfrog, Doggy style, Upright doggy, 69, Spread-eagle, Spoons, Inverted Missionary, Camel Ride, The Screw, The Cowgirl, The Italian Chandelier, Horizontal Reverse, The Proposal, The Split level, The Crabwalk, Watching the Game, The Armchair, The Black Bee, Persuading of the Debtor, or The Playing of the Cello. The salary, like the job and the Bar None, is 100% spurious, and i think you’ll like it because you spend most of your time in fantasy land already.

All the booze,

Al K Hall
Temporal Functional Alcoholic Spokesperson

PS One of the requirements of the job is that you stop the plastic surgery. You were cuter before you started and you’re only going to make things worse if you continue so quit while you’re less behind.

November 5, 2014: Molly Shattuck likes her boys like her whiskey: aged 15 years

There’s this 15 year old boy somewhere who’s a little sadder tonight because his cheerleader girlfriend got arrested and may go to jail for raping him. Oh yeah, because she’s 47. The once oldest NFL cheerleader first saw the kid’s photo on Instagram using her eyes and then got in touch with him using her mouth. And her hands.

In this case, though, two heads may not be better than one because, after she blew him off twice (and not the cold shoulder way), he never wanted to see her again, despite her wide open offer of free sex.

C’mon, Molly, pick up someone your own size. And if you want someone to practice on, i can give you a tip.

Check this magic trick out. Here’s what Molly looks like hanging out with the kids…

And here’s what she changes into when she goes the the police for her mug shot.

Ta-dumb!

More drunken cheerleaders? Coming right up…

Drunk Cheerleader Wallpaper – click on the shot for a wallpaper

November 8, 2014 In Broken News

Elizabeth Vargas, a journalist in Chicago was fired because she showed up at work drunk a couple times and couldn’t finish a broadcast because she was drunk on air. Her defense was the “Fuck you” defense. “Fuck you because you knew i was an alcoholic when you hired me because you knew i got fired from my last job for being drunk all the time.”

A News Flash

As an alcoholic in recovery, i kinda wish i’d had this defense when i was a drunk. Imagine being able to get away with all of your drunken fuck-ups just by saying you’re a drunk. “i’m sorry about running over your dog, officer, but i’m an alcoholic and you knew it because you already arrested me shitloads of times.”

You know what, though? Why should celebrities be the only ones to get of scotch free? Here’s your own, personal Get Out of Jail Drunk card. Feel free to carve out of your monitor and use it the next time you screw shit up with your drunk ass antics.

i sure could’ve used this card back when i was drinking because i did shit like

• Made aquarium lips on the window of a restaurant on the Champs Elysées
• Asked friends if i could sleep with their girlfriends
• Made my sister the designated driver on her 21st birthday

Yeah, i’ve done a lot of shit where a get out of jail drunk card woulda come in handy. What about you? Care to share any embarrassing drunk stories with us here at the Bar None? Leave a comment in the Tip jar. (BTW, the Tip Jar is the “Comments” section.)

2014-11-14 Big Ass Ass

Booze goes striaght to her ass

Kim Kardashian’s ass isn’t just big, it’s opera big. Because she’s trying to turn all the public attention away from the story that I uncovered about how she had a dwarf’s baby, she decided to pose completely nude on the cover of some made up magazine no one ever heard of and probably doesn’t exist. Then, to make sure she got my attention, she posed with champagne everywhere to make sure i knew she was in the Bar None. As i’m always one to oblige, here’s Kim in all her glory hole.

As long as she doesn’t think i’ve forgotten her dwarf baby.

Watch out, y’all because what’s coming up won’t go back down: it’s too NSFW, even NSFWer than all the shit you just read before. You’ve been warned.

Remember how last time i offended everyone by talking politics? i threw my unconditional support against Free the Nipple over and over again to defend Chelsea Handler and her indictment of Instagram’s refusal to publish pictures of her boobs. This week sees another cause pop up strongly, namely Keira Knightley bravely throwing her naked body upon us to show she’s not a slave to Photoshop. i also don’t approve of Photoshopping hot people, so i’m posting this picture in her defense.

Brave lass

And, while we’re on the Free Nipple subject, here’s my contribution to the cause with another KK pic, only this time it’s Kim Kardashian in the Bar None.

Damn, it’s hard being so political. So very hard.

Bar None Dregs

If you think this website is funny, you’re right. But Saint Pauly over at WTF!? (Watch the Film) isn’t so bad either.

Click on the pic for the chuckles

As for me, go here for a complete list of all my websites on one page so you don’t miss out on any of my shit. All About Al K Hall

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

After the resounding success of my Vodka for 9-year-olds, i figured what the fuck, there’s grown ups who like vodka too, right?

The problem is, our tastes have moved past candy, but does that mean we have to stop enjoying vodka at all hours of the day? Fuck no!

Below you’ll find a selection of flavored vodkas you can have for any meal…dessert included.

As an alcoholic in recovery, i haven’t tried any of these but i’ll probably go off the wagon when they invent Cara Delevingne’s panties vodka (distill my beating heart).

That said, i’d love to hear from you in the tip jar (comments) if you’ve ever been brave enough to sample one of these. Which one did you try and what did you think?

To get you in the mood, from the juiced box, i give you: The Whiskey Bards – Drinking Man’s Diet

Wallpaper

Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

17 Vodkas You Will Eat Up

1. Breakfast Vodkas

Breakfast is the most important drink of the day. Most alcoholics recommend a hearty drink before braving the world outdoors. For those of you who want a big breakfast drunk, try

• Maple bacon (WTF!?) vodka
• Blueberry pancake vodka
• Waffle vodka

If you’re one of those who doesn’t like big breakfasts, not to worry. What about Fruit Loop vodka?

You could even drink it out of a bowl

Still too much? How ’bout just a little bite on your way out the door.

Drunken Donuts

2. Lunch Vodkas

Busy at the office and looking for something to take the edge off? Try this blast from the past: PB&J vodka.

No crusts and everything

Want to give that sammich a little kick?

How to get pickled

Maybe you need something that’ll burn a little more going down.

Burns going both in and out

Not spicy enough? No problem, i got some Jalpeño vodka for you.

Burns both going down and coming up

To be sure you stay healthy, don’t forget to drink a little fruit. (Salty Watermelon? WTF!?)

Seedless

3. Dinner vodkas

A three-course meal is the perfect way to finish off the day if you’re still standing.

Starting with the appetizer… Scorpion vodka

Careful, it’ll sting

Then there’s Salmon vodka for the main course…

Fishy

For dessert, we got a choice.

• Cake vodka
• Pumpkin pie vodka
• Cupcake vodka

Just Desserts

Wait, what, you want whipped cream with that?

Finally, something to wash it all down.

How many shots?

Click Here For More Top 10 Lips

Are you glad i didn’t post this as a slideshow and make you go through each bottle one at a time? You could always thank me by…uhm, i don’t know… sharing this.

What about you? Have you tried any of these? Leave a comment below and let us know what you thought.

Not from the juiced-box but the soundtrack: Billy Boyd – The Last Goodbye

[Press ‘Play’ for maybe the only thing gayer than a hobbit]

For those reading this the day before the US release, here’s the smart phone proof i got to see it before y’all. Don’t hate the player, hate me.

Ramblings: Happy Ending

Final Proof: 3½ Shots

You know how you get drunk on bumblewine with wee tiddlers in the Land of Nodd? The yarns they spindle numb your senses and you feel the weight of night petals settle over your eyes and pull you into Slumberland like a boat of Fire Mead. You’re able to dull out the incessant blades of their boredom as they harp out of tune tales meant for children and petty criminals. Just as you decide you’ll suckle the last dram from the bottom of the caphorn and be on your way, the stories finally become interesting. Like the whelm of the liquor, their tales turn to epic sagas of bravery and sacrifice, of blood and courage, of death and magic. You find yourself captivated by the heartbeat of their tongues, your eyes are regaled by their words and you’re happy you stayed the course and settle into the comfortable inebriation of the night realm. That’s what The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies was like.

Nobody wanted to see this movie less than me. i already saw the first one (The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey), and if that wasn’t bad enough (and it was pretty bad, trust me) i even saw the second one, The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. That’s how bad i want to please you, and trust me, it was pretty bad.

So i was all set to sleep through this third and – thank you fucking god – final installment of this most boring orgy of hobbit porn but then something happened i could never have counted on. i actually liked this movie. It was pretty fucking good.

What did i like about this one i didn’t like about the others? Uhm, what’s the word i’m looking for… Oh yeah: EVERYTHING. Like in the first two movies Peter Jackson couldn’t decide if he wanted to make a kiddie movie or a barely intense action flick and so he went to both extremes and the film got lost in the middle. Or there was tons of talking in the other two. People and non-people alike just walked around yapping about nothing at all. And there were moments of action but they were so spread it it reminded me of my sex life and this depressed the shit out of me more than the depths of boring we descended into.

But not with The Battle of the Five Armies. The movie kicks off in high gear with a dragon attack and doesn’t slow down much from there. There’s enough action but, more importantly, less useless dialog and i won’t even talk about the final battle which takes up the last third of the film which is pure spectacle.

Hell, i didn’t even remember the snooze-fests that were the fist two films and i still understood what was happening here and was able to follow along. You know what was too bad? This film is a lot closer to the original LotR trilogy and if Jackson had made the first two Hobbit movies like this one, he would’ve ascended into Assguard (or whatever) and hung out with the gods.

As it is, at least he finished on a high note.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 0

Not even a kiss. Then again, looking at the cast, that’s probably a good thing. And now that i think about it, there probably was a kiss between Tauriel (Evangeline Lilly) and Kili, her Dwarf (or whatever) boyfriend. The good news in that sentence is that Evangeline Lilly was int his movie, so i get to spend some time looking up pictures like this.

Evangeline Lilly Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

There’ll be some more shots of her in my drawers at the way bottom of this review.

And Evangeline Lilly wasn’t the only hot actress in this one. We were blessed enough to have a few minutes of screen time with Cate Blanchett as Galadriel, and i was pretty glad-real that a woman who looks like this appeared in the film.

Cate Blanchett Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

There’ll be some solo shots of her rolling around in my drawers at the bottom of the post as well.

Silken Butterflies

They tried to hide how hot Peggy Nesbitt (real life daughter James Nesbitt, the actor who plays Bofur) was but despite limiting her screen time to a tragic little, her beauty shone through. She played the oldest daughter of some Lakeville hero called Bard, but we’ll be remembering her face a lot longer than his. Because it looks like this.

Drink: 0 Shots

Yeah, there was even less booze here than there was in the other ones.

Rock & Roll: 4 Shots

Four shots and i don’t have to tell you it had nothing to do with the music and don’t make me prove it by forcing you to listen again to the song i already posted at the top up there. Nope, the four shots here is all action and there was enough of it in this movie. Sure, there could’ve been more but at least what they had here was killer.

The movie starts out with Smaug attacking Laketown and this is done really fucking well. Jackson doesn’t shy away from the action, he gets right up into it, close and personal, and he doesn’t skimp on it either. There’s some meat to the battle and it isn’t repetitive either. Plus, the special effects are so good you forget they’re special effects.

Then if you think that was good, wait until the final battle. It takes up the entire last third of the movie and while some people may think this is too long (like those who whined about all the action that was in the third Transformers), the epic war didn’t feel drawn out at all. The whole time i watched it, i was thinking about the grandiose spectacle of the thing and really had a great time. This kind of action is what going to the movies is supposed to be about.

Boring Technical Crap

Written by:

J.R.R. Tolkien – novel “The Hobbit”
Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, Peter Jackson & Guillermo del Toro – screenplay

Directed by: Peter Jackson

Starring

Evangeline Lilly – Tauriel
Cate Blanchett – Galadriel
Benedict Cumberbatch – Smaug / Necromancer
Lee Pace – Thranduil
Luke Evans – Bard
Richard Armitage – Thorin Oakenshield
Orlando Bloom – Legolas
Martin Freeman – Bilbo Baggins
Ian McKellen – Gandalf
Manu Bennett – Azog

Bottom Line

See it. So much better than the first two. And the best part is, you don’t even have to see (or remember) the first two to enjoy this one.

Another Round

Booze Revooze of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

Booze Revooze of The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

WTF review of Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

WTF review of The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

WTF review of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

Fernby Films review of The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

After this there’s no more words, just pictures that are worth a lot more (and are even more mildly NSFW than all the other shit up there.)

Evangeline Lilly

Evangeline Lilly in the Bar None

Cate Blanchett

Cate Blanchett in the Bar None

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

Bar Angels and Boozehounds, the time has come yet again to waste some of your hard earned beer money on other people who won’t be able to contain their disappointment when they open the presents you bought with cash you should’ve spent on cheap tequila and that one heavy chick who wears a bikini top to the bar even if it’s winter and you live in Duluth.

What’s even worse than this torture? Well, for me it’s going through this sober, but for you normal drunks? The worst part is trying to hide the disenchantment you feel when you open yet another bag of dress socks that only reminds you that you have to go back to the office after the festivities have ended in a gut wrenching hangover.

Fret no more, dear Patronizers, i’ve compiled a list here of shit you can ask for so that all you have to do is share this with loved ones so that you can be sure to get more than slapped this holiday season.

10 Gifts on a Drunk’s Pissed List

Ways to smuggle booze

This year, why not own up to the fact you’re so much of an alcoholic you can’t go anywhere without an emergency supply? Here are some ways to live that dream.

1. Fake Tampons: Because licking your tampon looks less suspicious than sneaking a nip from a flask

2. Wine Rack (AKA the best named gift of the lot): Because sometimes a girl wants to suck her own breasts

3. Drunk Driver: Because everyone would die of shock if they saw alcohol on a golf course

Bottle Clothes

More popular in Europe than Elvis, trust me.

4. Because sometimes you don’t want a bottle of red, you want a bottle of redneck

5. Because sometimes your vodka gets chilled

Ass Gifts

Every boozer needs a reminder that they are not the most useless thing on the planet.

6. One-handed bottle opener: So much faster and easier than a no-handed bottle opener – your date.

7. Beer Can Holder: Yeah, I wouldn’t want be seen touching a can of Coors Light, either.

Gifts That Get You

Here are two gifts that you don’t need to get because they get you – on a fun-da-mental level.

8. Spill-proof Martini Glass: Because you want to be able to sip that Cosmo while having sex in the city

9. Spill-proof Wine Glass: Not as efficient as the sippy cup i used to use, but more socially acceptable. Ok, a little more socially acceptable.

Alcohol Test

Bottle Vise Puzzle: For those alcoholics who aren’t just practicing but experts at it, here’s something that’ll make you think before you open the next bottle.

Bonus Gift

Because it’s Christmas, here’s my gift to you: a bonus idea.

Beef Straw: If you can’t find any online, just let me know, i have a meat straw you can borrow (but you’ll have to suck hard and long before anything comes out)

[i got other Top 10 Lips coming out my Xmas right here]

[i got other Top 10 Lips coming out my Xmas right here]

As of right now, 403 patronizers have found there way into the Bar None, and you can add one more because i’m here with you. i know you have the choice of a lot of places to go and get shit faced today, and that you chose my corner of the internet means a lot to me. May the season find you happy and safe and full of a lot of cheer. Though maybe not as much as Santa.

But before we pass on to that… From the juiced-box and dedicated to Kris ‘Krispy’ Kringle: Big & Rich – Drunk on Christmas

[Press ‘Play’ for “Santa, I’ve got the family blues…I need some Christmas spirit, and by spirit I mean booze“]

Want more of the same? Here’s a Bar None Christmas juiced-box play with yourself list:

As nothing’s too good for my Patronizers, i supply a lot of nothing. And i’m not the only one. Remember the Bar None Piss List from yesterday? Guess who stocks that party.

Santa Drunk in the Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Santa Claus

But wait, what’s wrong with Santa this year? Is he bummed because he confused your wish list with his shit list? Not exactly, but when this photo of him punishing a girl who’d been extra naughty surfaced…

…he found himself in water hot enough to send Mrs Claus into a meltdown.

i still don’t get what she sees in him, though, because he’s this obese reindeer fucker and she’s hot enough to melt Frosty.

Ms Claus

Mrs Claus standing up for my favorite charity: Free The Nipple

But how did Santa get so fucked up? What about his little helpers? Well, about that…

Them elves is some mischievous little fuckers. And Famous.

Elves

Naya Rivelfa

Will Ferrelf

Welf Wheaton

From all of me at the Bar None, thank you for patronizing me this year, and i’m looking forward to serving you all through 2015.

Want more holiday spirits? Click here for Posts of Christmas Past.

Hot Twins Bar None wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

The rumors were true. Your eyes were fed up of me and now your ears can be, too.

Barmaids and Beerhounds… i give you the

Audio Dregs Pirate Pod Cask #01

You can either click ‘Play’ to listen to it online…

Audio Dregs Pirate Pod Cask #01

…or right click the above link and ‘save link as’ download the mp3 file for your player

The music from the Pod Cask

Twin Atlantic – Yes, I Was Drunk

Inkyy – Dreams

Lorde – Hold My Liquor (Kanye West)

Fifth On The Floor – Whiskey

 They got a Facebook page and an Official Site you should check out.

The Pod Cask

• Intro music the Atlantic Twins (cut it early)
• Introduce yourself
  • Welcome You know me… And if you don’t I’m Al K Hall, the tender bartender here at the bar none. Al K Hall the, member of the D-generation (d as in drunk) and founder of D. R. I. N. K. E. R. S. (Drunks really independent now known as exiles reunited, Temporal Functional Alcoholic Slurperson
  • i also run the Bar None website for show notes
  • Welcome to my first ever pod cask
  • i’m not gonna waste too much of your time 15 minutes or so
• Format
  • Booze Nooze all that’s shit to print about drinkers and drinking
  • Booze Revooze a drinkers skewed view of movies
  • The juiced-box: songs, ballads, ditties, tunes that leave us thinking about drinking
  • All you gotta do is sit back, put your feet up make yourself at home an what can i get you to drink?
• Body That sound means it’s time for Booze Nooze – all the news that’s shit to print
  • Serving this first: i’m looking for a name for the pod cask. Please go to thebarnone.me and leave a comment if you have any suggestions
    • Audio Dregs – the pirate pod cask
    • The Dregs full pod cask

• If you have anything better, and i’m sure you do ‘cause y’all are a lot way more intelligenter than i am, leave your suggestions in the tips jar, which is what we call the comments section at the Bar None
• Booze Nooze
  • Yo-Uh Oh! This singer, who knows even less about Martin Luther King Jr than i do unless MLK’s dream really was all about the “Success is all I see, I want the finer things” was Ervin McKiness aka Inkyy aka Jew’elz). You’ll find the full video and link to the original article at thebarnone.me. His story dates back to September 2, 2012 OK, this isn’t news but it’s news to me. Labor day 2012, this young rapper Ervin McKiness, 21 in SoCal tweets quote Drunk af going 120 drifting corners #FuckIt YOLO unquote In human language this translates into Drunk as fuck, going 120 miles an hour, drifting the car around corners. Fuck it, you only live once. And to prove the point, the car crashed killing him and four other people. To be fair to McKiness, he probably wasn’t driving the car, but the irony of his last tweet being YOLO isn’t as lost as his phone probably is. Stay with me here, while i pay tribute to YOLO, which is teen text shorthand for “Hold my beer and watch this.”
    • From YOLO, which stands for You Only Live Once, it’s a short trip to
    • YODO You only die once and then
    • You-DODO You only die once dear oaf which brings up
    • YODA You only die (asshat) and then
    • YONO you oughta not over do it and we’ll wrap it up with
    • YOYO You obliterated your opportunities
  • Free the Twins – Heidi Creamer (and i know you would if could because she’s half a twin) got the police called on her ass last December because she lives in Florida and not just that, she also got in a fight with her twin sister, Holly. Proving that two heads are not necessarily better than one. Heidi it seems punched, scratched and pulled Holly’s hair in the apartment the dynamic duo share with Heidi’s vag pal and a dildo. i know this because the police report stated that the altercation was over Heidi’s boyfriend and a sex toy. i’m guessing the boyfriend and the dildo wanted to include Holly in the action and sample the refreshments two fisted.

More Drunk Twins

Heidi mug shot

Heidi or Holly – Can we ever be sure?

• Celebrity Dregs
  • Yes barmaids and beerhounds, that sound means it’s time for celebrity dregs, which are the same as the other dregs just more famous.
  • Oh my Lorde! Last November, my sweeeet Lorde won every award at the Vodafone New Zealand Music Awards. To be fair, her only competition was sheep. Universal records threw a party for their star GOOD Lorde, who at the time was 18 by 2 weeks. Basically, Universal spent $80,000 getting a teenage girl drunk, which makes her the most expensive date in New Zealand. To be fair, the runner up was a sheep. I love ewe. The surprising thing is that they probably didn’t spend this money on peppermint schnapps and wine coolers, but champagne and other grown up drinks. Hats off to the record company, ‘cause I see what y’all are doing – trying to get a teenage girl drunk to take advantage of her…financially. In a tribute, here’s Dear LoRDE covering Kanye’s Hold My Liquor.

Win all the awards!!!!!!!!

• Booze Revooze of Run All Night
  • You don’t know what that sound means because this is the first pod cask, but that’s the introduction to Booze Revooze – A drinker’s skewed view of movies guaranteed spoiler free. Today i’m gonna review Run All Night because once again we here in YeMAN got a movie two days before y’all in the States.
  • You know how you drunk ride through the city at 3am with a good friend behind the wheel and you settle back into the shotgun seat with the streets as empty as the beer cans rolling at your feet while your driver accelerates and you feel great with the view washing over you. Because the city is always exciting and no matter when or where you are you settle back in the car knowing it and the drink will take you far, there’s always something going on while you race the dawn never feeling sick and never feeling tired. The trip is one you’ve taken before and what you’re seeing is nothing new but the ride is good and the buzz will see you through until the end of the road you’re on where you run down dawn. That mother fuckers is exactly what Run All Night was like.
  • i don’t know if you noticed this or not, but Liam Neeson has decided to remake the same fucking movie over and over again. And that movie is already Taken but that didn’t stop him from making Taken Two or Taken Three. Run All Night is the same shit different night but whatever, it’s a better night than anything he’s done since Taken. This is a night you might forget, but at least it’s a good time while you’re in it. 3 shots out of 5
• Juiced box Fifth in the Floor “Whiskey”

• Conclusion (with bar noise)
  • Show notes for the audio dregs are found at thebarnone.me filed under Audio Dregs Pirate Pod Cask #01²
  • There’ll be videos of the songs i posted and just to make it clear, i use songs on a don’t ask don’t tell policy, which means i don’t ask so they can’t tell me no. That said, if you own the song and want me to take it down, you can email me at 69alkhall@gmail.com and i’ll see what i can do.

• You’ll also find an outline of the script i ignored while putting this shit together

• And at the bottom are my drawers, an online repository for NSFW photos tied to the stories (Sexy but no nudity… Usually) That’s my suppository and I’m sticking to it. This week you’ll be able to find photos of sexy twins, drunk twins and i don’t mean the ones from Minnesota, hot shots of Lorde as well as a wallpaper of Joel Kinnaman the young male lead from Run All Night and another of Liam Neeson for those of you who prefer your nights hard to wet
• Imma also include the links to the stories i stole for the Booze Nooze
  • YOYO: http://newsfeed.time.com/2012/09/19/aspiring-rapper-drunk-tweets-yolo-just-before-fatal-car-crash/
  • Free the Twins: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/crime/twin-sisters-fight-over-vibrator-124356
  • Oh dear Lorde: http://www.nzherald.co.nz/entertainment/news/article.cfm?c_id=1501119&objectid=11362529
• Song that started us out was Twin Atlantic – Yes I was Drunk, the rap song was Dreams by Inkyy, there was a Lorde cover of Hold My Liquor originally by Kanyé West and the official Juiced-box song this week which the real fucking group even let me use officially was Whiskey by the inimitable Fifth on the Floor. There’ll be links to their website and Facebook page in the show notes.
• My own Facebook page is www.facebook.com/TheBarNone
• You can watch me ignore people on Twitter: @Al_K_Hall
• If you wanna bitch to me directly or just say hey i’m at 69alkhall@gmail.com
• And i’m always on duty at thebarnone.me

Beermaids and barhounds…Thanks for patronizing me.

The Drawers – NSFW!

Joel Kinnaman

Joel Kinnaman wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

Liam Neeson

Liam Neeson wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

The Twins

The Twins Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

Lorde

Lorde Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

Lorde in the Bar None

Lorde partying in the Bar None

Thirsty for more Audio Dregs?

Yolandi Visser Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

Audio Dregs Pirate Pod Cask #02

You can either click ‘Play’ to listen to it online…

.

Audio Dregs #02

…or right click the above link and ‘save link as’ to download the mp3 file for your player

The music from the Pod Cask

Die Antwoord – Happy Go Sucky Fucky

Slipknot – Duality

Amy Winehouse – Rehab

Die Antword – Ugly Boy

AC/DC – Have a Drink on Me

The Pod Cask

Dregs

Miss Mannered: 20-year-old Stabs Party Goer

Celebrity Dregs

Metal Head: Drunk Slipknot brothers stab each other

Andrew & Mick Thomson

His Royal Pee-ness: Emile Hirsch Arrest

Emile Hirsch mug shot

Emile Hirsch Pissed

Allergic to Conventions: Nicholas Brendon arrested October 2014, Nicholas Brendon Rehab Announcement, Nicholas Brendon arrested February 2015, Nicholas Brendon arrested March 2015

Nicholas Brendon mug shot

Scott Dicksuck: Model Flips Scott Disick Off, Scott Disick Drunk after Birth of Baby, Scott Disick Goes to Rehab, Disick Gets Paid to Endorse His Rehab

Model Flips off Kourtney Kardashian

Scott Disick in the Bar None

Booze Revooze

Chappie

Juiced-box

AC/DC – Have a Drink on Me

• The Bar None Facebook page is www.facebook.com/TheBarNone
• You can watch me ignore people on Twitter: @Al_K_Hall
• If you wanna bitch to me directly or just say hey i’m at 69alkhall@gmail.com
• And i’m always on duty at thebarnone.me

Beermaids and barhounds…Thanks for patronizing me.

The Drawers – NSFW!

¥o-landi Vi$$er

Kourtney Kardashian

Thirsty for more Audio Dregs?

Drunk ‘High’ School Girls Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Today’s special is Binge Drinking, including all you can drink suckaay, a Brazilian kid with all he couldn’t drink, and a pool of Jägermeister and when i say pool i mean swimming pool. Drowning in the dregs today we got a guy who runs into a cop, literally, another who sleeps through his breathalyzer, Shia LaBoeuf – in the celebrity dregs – graduates from booze school, Scott Disick turns out to be a nice guy, and laying down in my drawers we got a wallpaper of drunk high school girls, Lana Del Rey and Krysten Ritter from the Booze Revooze of Big Eyes.

Audio Dregs Pirate Pod Cask #03

You can either click ‘Play’ to listen to it online…

.

Audio Dregs #03

…or right click the above link and ‘save link as’ download the mp3 file for your player

The music from the Pod Cask

Ciscandra Nostalghia – Who You Talkin’ To, Man?

Twiztid – Wasted

Lana Del Rey – Big Eyes

Lana Del Rey – You Can Be The Boss

Sponsors

WTF!? Review of Fifty Shades Of Grey

Fernby Films review of My Little Eye

Fernby Films review of Showgirls

The Pod Cask Outline

Dregs

Look Who i Bumped Into:  http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/man-arrested-dwi-entering-state-trooper-vehicle-article-1.2150838

Breathless: http://m.news8000.com/deputies-wrong-way-driver-too-drunk-for-breath-test/31818684

Dead Drunk: http://circanews.com/news/binge-drinking-studies

HIGH School: http://edition.cnn.com/2013/01/08/health/women-binge-drinking/index.html

Pool of Alcohol:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/centralamericaandthecaribbean/mexico/10130042/Jagermeister-pool-party-guest-in-coma-after-liquid-nitrogen-reacts-with-chlorine.html

Brazilian Waxed: http://www.news.com.au/world/south-america/brazilian-student-dies-after-attempting-to-drink-25-shots-in-60-seconds/story-fnh81jzo-1227266159083

Humberto

Suckaay: http://kurand.jp/sakemarket/

Celebrity Dregs

Great, Scott: http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/scott-disick-to-host-nightclub-party-days-after-leaving-rehab-2015253

i don’t give a Shia: http://www.tmz.com/2015/03/20/shia-labeouf-rehab-treatment-completed-disorderly-conduct/

It’s all a bunch of Liza: http://www.tmz.com/2015/03/18/liza-minnelli-rehab-substance-abuse-malibu/

Booze Revooze of Big Eyes

Lana Del Rey is Sober: http://alkhallanonymous.com/2013/09/27/celebriety-lana-del-rey/

Juiced Box: Lana Del Rey – You Can Be The Boss

The Drawers – NSFW!

Lana Del Rey

Lana Del Rey Bar None Wallpaper -Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Lana Del Rey in the Bar None

Lana Del Rey in the Bar None

My exclusive interview with Lana Del Rey

Krysten Ritter (DeeAnn in Big Eyes)

Krysten Ritter Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

Krysten Ritter in the Bar None

Krysten Ritter in the Bar None

 Bar None Facebook page is www.facebook.com/TheBarNone
You can watch me ignore people on Twitter: @Al_K_Hall
i can be reached at 69alkhall@gmail.com
And i’m always on duty at thebarnone.me

Thirsty for more Audio Dregs?

Audio Dregs Pirate Pod Cask #3.5

You can either click ‘Play’ to listen to it online… (10m48s)

. Audio Dregs #3.5

…or right click the above link and ‘save link as’ download the mp3 file for your player

The music from the Pod Cask

David Guetta (with Kaz James) – Blast Off

Wiz Khalifa (ft. Charlie Puth) – See You Again

Dj Shadow (ft. Mos Def) – Six Day remix

Wiz Khalifa (ft. Iggy Azalea) – Go Hard or Go Home

The Drawers – NSFW!

Jordana Brewster

Jordana Brewster Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

Jordana Brewster in the Bar None

Levy Tran

Levy Tran Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

• My own Facebook page is www.facebook.com/TheBarNone
• You can watch me ignore people on Twitter: @Al_K_Hall
• If you wanna bitch to me directly or just say hey i’m at 69alkhall@gmail.com
• And i’m always on duty at thebarnone.me

Beermaids and barhounds…Thanks for patronizing me.

Thirsty for more Audio Dregs?

Drunk Spring Break wallpaper – click on the image for the wallpaper

Audio Dregs Pirate Pod Cask #04 (16m05s)

You can either click ‘Play’ to listen to it online…

.

Audio Dregs #04

…or right click the above link and ‘save link as’ to download the mp3 file for your player

The music from the Pod Cask

Brokencyde – Sex Toyz

The Lonely Island – Spring Break Anthem

Cuff the Duke – If I Live, Or If I Die (from the film Dark Places)

The Pod Cask Outline

Dregs

Hog Wild: The pig in the bar

Prescription Drunk: The doctor gets off

Hamster food: Asshole bites the head off a live hamster

CLICK HERE FOR THE VIDEO

Peep Beer: Brewery makes peep beer

Celebrity Dregs

Jessica Alba: Spring Breaker

Taylor Momsen: Party Queen

Booze Revooze

Dark Places

As i don’t include pictures of under age girls in the Drawers, here’s some shots of Addy Miller, who played “Young Krissi Cates” in the movie. Interesting fact, she was also the little girls zombie with the teddy bear in the first ever episode of The Walking Dead.

Juiced Box

The Pretty Reckless – My Medicine (Live from Rock Am Ring 2011)

• My own Facebook page is www.facebook.com/TheBarNone
• You can watch me ignore people on Twitter: @Al_K_Hall
• If you wanna bitch to me directly or just say hey i’m at 69alkhall@gmail.com
• And i’m always on duty at thebarnone.me

Beermaids and barhounds…Thanks for patronizing me.

WTF!? review of Outscast

Fernby Films Review of Night At The Museum: Secret of the Tomb

The Drawers – NSFW!

(Click on a shot to blow it up)

Jessica Alba

Chloë Grace Moretz

Chloë Grace Moretz Bar None wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

Taylor Momsen

Taylor Momsen Bar None wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

Charlize Theron

Charlize Theron Bar None Wallpaper -click on the image for a wallpaper

Christina Hendricks

Christina Hendricks in the Bar None

Andrea Roth

Denise Williamson

Thirsty for more Audio Dregs?

Audio Dregs Pirate Pod Cask #5.5

You can either click ‘Play’ to listen to it online… (7m54s)

.

Audio Dregs #5.5

…or right click the above link and ‘save link as’ download the mp3 file for your player

Booze Revooze of the The Avengers

Booze Revooze of The Avengers

The music from the Pod Cask

I’ve Got No Strings from “Pinocchio”

Superhuman – Wreckage

Twelve Titans – Artifice

The Drawers – NSFW!

Chris Hemsworth / Thor

Chris Evans / Captain America

Jeremy Renner / Hawkeye

Samuel L Jackson / Nick Fury

Mark Ruffalo / Dr. Bruce Banner / The Hulk

Robert Downey Jr / Ironman

Scarlett Johansson in the Bar None

Scarlett Johansson in the Bar None Wallpaper – click on the shot for a wallpaper

Scarlett Johansson / Black Widow

Scarlett Johansson Bar None Wallpaper – click on the shot for a wallpaper

Cobie Smulders /Maria Hill

Cobie Smulders Bar None Wallpaper – click on the shot for a wallpaper

Elizabeth Olsen / Scarlet Witch

Elizabeth Olsen Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

Linda Cardellini

Linda Cardellini Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

Linda Cardellini in the Bar None

Claudia Kim / Dr. Helen Cho

Claudia Kim Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

• My own Facebook page is www.facebook.com/TheBarNone
• You can watch me ignore people on Twitter: @Al_K_Hall
• If you wanna bitch to me directly or just say hey i’m at 69alkhall@gmail.com
• And i’m always on duty at thebarnone.me

Beermaids and barhounds…Thanks for patronizing me.

Thirsty for more Audio Dregs?

You can either click ‘Play’ to listen to it online… (17m37s)

Audio Dregs #05

…or right click the above link and ‘save link as’ download the mp3 file for your player

The music from the Pod Cask

Rage Against the Machine -Township Rebellion

T.O.N.E.-Z and Gangstagrass – Long Hard Times to Come (Theme to Justified)

Jon Ekstrand – Captured (Child 44 soundtrack)

Rebel Sons – Redneck Piece of White Trash

The Pod Cask Outline

Dregs

Nick the Dick 

Racist Frat Chant

Parker Rice is a dick

Parker ‘Like White On’ Rice

Levi Pettit is a dick

Levi ‘I want to take my dick and’ Pettit

Celebrity Dregs

Tim Olyphant on Conan

Justfied

Justified Wallpaper in the Bar None – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

Joelle Carter in the Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

Booze Revooze

Child 44

Juiced Box

Rebel Sons – Redneck Piece of White Trash

• My own Facebook page is www.facebook.com/TheBarNone
• You can watch me ignore people on Twitter: @Al_K_Hall
• If you wanna bitch to me directly or just say hey i’m at 69alkhall@gmail.com
• And i’m always on duty at thebarnone.me

Beermaids and barhounds…Thanks for patronizing me.

Sponsors

123wtf.me

WTF!? review of Good Kill

Fernby Films

Fernby Films review of Pitch Black

Fernby Films review of The Last Starfighter

 The Drawers – NSFW!

Sinternational Bar None Wallpaper – click on the shot for a wallpaper

Tim Olyphant

Timothy Olyphant Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

Joelle Carter

Joelle Carter Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

Thirsty for more Audio Dregs?